A Cup of Joe: Three more words to say 'I love you'

By Joe Nguyen, AsiaXpress.com

March 18, 2008

"I love you."

Three simple words that express deep, caring feelings for loved ones.

Three words that hold a great deal of impact and meaning in just eight letters.

Three words I lived without for most of my life.

Growing up, "I love you" just wasn't part of my family's vocabulary. I don't think I can name an instance when anyone in my family said these words to one another. Talking with my Asians friends, it seems like a common Asian thing.

It's not that we don't love one another, we just never express it. My parents weren't the hugs-and-kisses type or the type that said the L-word. No, the thing they always said to me was, "Are you hungry?"

When I came home from school, it would be the first thing they would ask. Coming back from a late night with friends, my mom would wake up and groggily ask me if I was hungry. Coming back from dinner, they'd ask me if I had enough to eat.

And it wasn't just them. My aunt would do the same whenever I went over to hang out with my cousins. It would be the first question any one of my brothers and sisters would ask whenever I visited their houses.

I remember one day I was in a particularly bad mood when my mom asked me that question.

I said, "Why do you keep asking me that? You know I'm not hungry!"

She seemed taken aback. She just turned back toward the kitchen and told me she was just wondering.

I stormed out of the house and drove off to wherever it was I was headed. But during my drive I realized that it wasn't just another question – She was wondering about my personal well-being. At that point, I realized that my family expresses love through food.

By asking, "Are you hungry?" they're really saying, "I love you."

So whenever I go home and my mom asks me those three loving words, I answer with five of my own.

"Sure, what do you have?"

In loving memory of my niece, Mary Thuy Hanh Nguyen. April 21, 2003 – March 15, 2008.

Joe Nguyen is the editor in chief of AsiaXpress.com. Joe can be reached at joe (at) asiaxpress.com.