My big, fat Vietnamese wedding

Delving into the continued traditions of a Vietnamese-American wedding

By Monica Ly, staff reporter

Oct. 15, 2007

Photo by Joe Nguyen Vincent Nguyen and Catherine Hien Doan perform the tea ceremony Aug. 11 at the bride's house. [Photo gallery]

Catherine Hien Doan was waiting upstairs dressed in her wedding ao dai, a traditional Vietnamese dress, before making her entrance in the living room.

Two golden dragons with emerald green eyes adorned the red silk on her headpiece. Continuing down to her dress, the dragons were wrapped around, symbolic of power. All of her family, both immediate and extended, were crowded into the living and dining room ready to greet the groom’s family.

Traditionally, the bride wears a red ao dai and the groom wears a blue ao dai, but Vincent Nguyen opted not to. The red dress represents prosperity and fertility while the blue dress stands for peace and harmony. Nguyen’s relatives entered in a procession beginning with the four groomsmen carrying in tea, liquor, fruit and a roasted whole pig.

Though many traditions successfully made it through to the United States and modern day, many customs have been somewhat abandoned.

Today, this ritual is almost purely ceremonial. Originally, the tradition was when the groom’s family came to the bride’s house offering gifts to take her away. Once this occurs, the bride becomes a part of the groom’s family from that point on. Historically, the gifts to the bride’s family are placed in gift boxes and wrapped in red cloth. Depending on the wealth of the groom’s family, the number of gift boxes varies.

“We incorporated both traditional and non-traditional customs into our wedding,” Doan said.

When everyone filed in, the introduction of significant relatives commenced. Both sets of parents acknowledged one another and Doan, accompanied by her bridesmaids and flower girls, made her grand entrance down the staircase. Amid a wave of camera flashes, she joined her fiancé as her immediate aunts and uncles came up one by one to present monetary gifts to the couple. The maid-of-honor stood nearby with a decorated basket to receive the envelopes.

Shortly after this ceremony, most guests were allowed to enjoy appetizers while the elders and parents of the bride and groom were escorted into another room for tea. As a sign of courtesy, tea or Vietnamese sake is served to those with “high rank” by the wedding couple themselves.

“Vincent had to take shots with my dad as a sign of respect,” Doan said.

If the families are Buddhist, they perform the wedding ceremony at the bride’s house with or without a monk. Sometimes the ceremonies take place in a local temple.

“My uncle’s wedding was at the bride’s house and involved altars where they bowed down,” said CU-Boulder junior Carolyn Nguyen.

Since Doan and Nguyen are Catholic, they tied the knot at the Queen of Vietnamese Martyrs in Wheat Ridge.

After they exchanged their vows and rings, the couple waited until everyone left the church and arrived after their family and friends for the reception at the Kingsland restaurant in Denver.

While guests are taking pleasure in devouring a 10-course meal and listening to easy tunes or Vietnamese karaoke if anyone was gutsy enough to take the microphone, the wedding party was visiting every table to express gratitude and to accept gifts.

“The bride and groom take shots with people at the table and they pass around the basket to collect the money envelopes,” said Kathleen Le, a CU-Boulder sophomore. “The goal of this custom is to make enough money to break even after the costs of the wedding.”

In the past, monetary concerns provided a basis for families to arrange marriages for their children. This allowed families to maintain or raise their status in the community. Arranged marriages were common and a local matchmaker used to do the final proceedings.

Thao Vo, a CU Boulder junior had parents who were arranged to marry.

“Personally, I think people have the choice to choose who they marry,” Vo said. “But I know a couple friends whose parents were also arranged and it’s interesting that the parents grow to love each other.”

For Doan, she and her husband met on their own accord. The newlyweds’ wedding was complete with select traditional and non-traditional ceremonies, but there is one more thing left to be deliberated.

“Traditionally, the bride keeps her maiden name, but I’m thinking about changing mine to his or hyphenating it,” she said.

Monica Ly is a staff reporter for AsiaXpress.com. Monica can be reached at Monica.Ly@asiaxpress.com.